//M O M C O N F E S S I O N V O L 2 //

Friday night: I am currently holed up in the bedroom with ice cream, a glass of wine, my knitting, and this song. I have finally taken Alex up on his offer to be in charge of Johnny so I can have some "alone time." It's 9:45 pm and the little man is showing no signs of giving up and going to sleep. And this is after a rotten night of sleep last night and only an hour and forty-five minutes of napping today. I thought babies needed sleep. Why doesn't mine sleep? I sleep almost the same amount of time he sleeps and I'm exhausted! 

My "alone time" was preceded by me stomping my feet and throwing diapers because Johnny had a diaper leak 30 minutes after getting a clean diaper AND fresh clean pajamas. Since Johnny's take-down procedure he has been pooping A-LOT. Which is good and awesome! And which they warned us would be the case for the first few weeks. But it's a lot of poopy diapers. Like, every hour I change a poopy diaper. And he has diaper rash,(we were also warned this would happen) so he cries through every diaper change. We also had a polar vortex this week followed by a snow emergency. Those things combined with getting back into my teaching routine, Alex in class again, and me not wanting to change a billion poopy diapers in public, Johnny and I have not left the house since Sunday. And that dirty diaper all over clean pajamas was the straw that broke this cooped up mama's back. 

So I am having "alone time".  I use scare quotes because my alone time isn't really alone time. I can hear Johnny down the hall squawking and fussing.  And if I can't hear him then I'm wondering why I can't hear him.  Is he ok? Is he sleeping? If he's sleeping he should be in bed with me. This is one of the strange and beautiful things about motherhood that I have discovered, at least for me. (Other moms can please tell me if they discovered this is true about them.) When I'm with my baby I get tired and need a break, but then when I'm not with my baby I feel anxious and just want to be with him again. I can't shut off being a mom to take a break. If Alex takes Johnny during the night (which is super nice of him) I can't fall asleep if I hear my baby crying in next room. I don't know if it's hormones, or a motherly instinct, or if it's just my naturally anxious personality. But there is no winning.

Anyway, I think the moral of this story is: polar vortex or not, don't stay inside for a whole week.

Honestly, how could I get frustrated with a face like that?