...Lately...

Today. The day I finally got it. After trying for two weeks. A picture of Johnny's first teeth.  

He cut them about a week after we got home from the hospital.  The few days leading up to that were not pleasant and it was very hard to tell if he was still experiencing discomfort from the surgery or if it was just teething.  And then one Saturday morning our suspicions were confirmed-- not one, but TWO little chompers had cut through.  That night and the following night Johnny slept for 8 hours straight. He was very well rested but I still woke up every hour or so wondering why he wasn't waking up to nurse. 

Here's the money shot:

Here are some of our prior attempts:

here you can almost see the teeth but his saliva is creating a glare.

the little stinker, just clamps his mouth shut and smiles.

when he cries you can kind of see them, but again, too much saliva-glare.

the old stick-out-the-tongue trick.

 It's so exciting to see Johnny reach some new miles stones. He's been rolling from his front to back for a while but just last week started rolling from back to front.  And he likes to hold onto his feet and pull off his socks. I know that's not an official milestone.  But it's new for us!

But something about seeing those two teeth come in really impressed me with the realization that Johnny will be a baby for only a very short time.  Right now it seems like about a thousand years, but I know that when I look back on my life it will be but a breath. And though it's hard and I'm tired and I "can't get anything done", I know I have to stop trying to do stuff and just cherish this time with my baby.

Speaking of mothering an infant being extremely difficult and tiring, I got to have a little pampering last week.  I had received a gift card to a salon from some very kind souls after Johnny was born and I just got around to using for a mani/pedi. (I know! Just in time for winter!) It had been months since I had painted my toenails and I don't even attempt my fingernails anymore.  It was such a nice treat to have a little alone time and get all the nasties scraped off my feet.

Ok, since I know you're dying for one, here's a before and after:

 I've been thinking a lot about how being a mom is a job that you never get a break from.  Like marriage, it's something that you take on, not for a season, or until you're ready for something new, but for life.  When I got married my entire identity changed, never to go back.  And I took on a new name to reflect that.  Now as a mother my identity has changed again.  Proof of that would be that now when you look at photos of me on Facebook they're all actually photos of Johnny. You get breaks from school.  You leave your job at the end of the day.  Even if you have a really stressful job, there are still time you take a vacation and can separate yourself from it.  But I will never stop being a mother. Even when I leave the house by myself for a couple of hours to get my nails done my baby is on my mind.  And as nice, and important, as a little "me time" is, I will never be completely at ease until I am with him again.

In other news....

We had a follow up for Johnny's last surgery yesterday. The main purpose of this appointment was to begin dilation.  At the risk of being too graphic: scar tissue normally gets smaller as it heals, but we don't want Johnny's brand new rectal opening to get smaller.  We actually want it to get a little bigger so that he can pass his stools without too much difficulty.  And so, everyday for the next month I get to insert a stainless steal rod into Johnny's rectum.  Then we'll get a slightly bigger rod, and I'll do it every other day for a month. Then every three days for a month. Then twice a week for a month, once a week for a month, then monthly, to make sure it's not getting smaller.

Apart from a bag change every two or three days, I forget about Johnny's medical issues.  Most of the time of the time our parenting feels very normal, and then I have to stick a metal rod up my baby's butt and I am reminded that our situation is in fact, not normal.  The dilation hurts him, he cries pretty hard, and the sight of the incision bleeds.  I usually have a pretty strong stomach but this makes me a little queasy. The surgeon said that the first few days are the worst and by this time next week it won't hurt him any more.  I hope so, because right now it's the worst part of my day.

We will have one more appointment mid December to see how the dilation is going and get an x-ray of Johnny's colon from the stoma down.  And if all looks well then he will have his (hopefully) final surgery January 9th.

Our little boy is so brave and so tough.  It's also such a blessing to think that he won't remember any of this.