7 things that mystify/terrify me about having a second child.

linking up with Kelly for some quick takes

//

Baby no. 2 is coming in less than two months and it's really starting to set in. We are going to have two kids. All this time we've only had one kid, and we've gotten pretty used to having one kids. And while I'm mostly pretty over the moon excited about the arrival of our baby girl and so looking forward to all the new born snuggles coming my way, sometimes I get a little freaked out about a few things. So now I am here by soliciting the advise of wiser, more experienced mamas.

1. How do you get two kids to nap AT THE SAME TIME? I know it happens because I've heard other moms talk about it. Everyone naps at the same time and then mom gets a nice little hour of solitude. I'm looking for practical stuff here. Do you put the toddler down first and let the baby sit in a bouncy seat and cry? Or do your get the baby down while the toddler is running wild and getting into who knows what? Or have you figured out how to be in two places at once?

2. When the new baby comes and is nursing does the older baby (now toddler) ever want to start nursing again? Johnny was such a strong nurser until I became pregnant and my supply went away. Then he weaned very easily. I wonder if he will remember nursing and get jealous of the new baby? Or do 2-year-olds not remember stuff like that?

3. Cloth diapering mamas, are you just doing laundry all the time? Because of all of Johnny's GI stuff he poops a lot and we wash diapers basically every other day. I'm trying to anticipate the volume of dirty diapers once a newborn enters into the equation. Which brings me to my next question...

Johnny is doing a diaper change on his zebra.

4. Do you put your newborns into cloth diapers right away? Can they really be folded and snapped up small enough for a little tiny newborn bum? We really have no experience with cloth diapering a new born. We used disposables with Johnny for about the first three months, then when we did work up the courage to break out the cloth diapers we were only changing wet ones because Johnny had his colostomy bag until he was 8 months old. Changing a colostomy bag on a new born? No sweat! But changing tiny newborn poopy diapers? This will be new territory for me.

5. How on earth do you get out to the car? It takes me about 15-20 minutes to leave the house with Johnny. Does it get easier with each kid you add? Or do you just add on more time? Ten more minutes for each additional child?

6. Grocery shopping.  I don't even want to think about it. A couple of my girlfriends use a delivery service when things are rough.  Maybe that will be our M.O. for the first few months.

7. How do you ever love that new baby as much as you love your first baby? Sometimes when Johnny is sleeping I just sit by his bed and look at his beautiful face and think there is no way I could love anyone the way I love him. We have been through so much with him. Lord willing, we will never have to go through that with another baby again. But it's created such a bond between us, not to mention Johnny is the one that first made me a mother.  I've heard my friends say things like "the heart makes room," and "You just love your new baby so much, and it makes you love your other kids in a new way." I think they must be right, and it two short (hopefully) months I will be finding out for myself.

Ok, all the sage, motherly advice you possess, ready, set, go!

//

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7 quick takes vol. 18

//1//

We made it through Alex's first semester of school! His last final was last week and now we are enjoying three whole weeks of no homework and lots of family time. As you can imagine, I am excited.

I also just have to say that I am so proud of Alex for all the time, energy and hard work he has put into his schooling thus far. Even though it's been really hard for both of us, I have no doubt in my mind that this is what he's supposed to be doing and am going to try my darnedest to be supportive and helpful for the next two years so that he can be successful. (stress on am going to try my darnedest.)

//2//

The week before finals Johnny and I left Alex to his solitary studying and took a last minute trip to the exotic state of Wisconsin to spend a few days with my parents and little brother at a lake. I was a little nervous to be wrangling Johnny in a non-baby proof environment without Alex, but my family was very helpful and I was even able to relax a little bit. Johnny had lots of firsts: first time in a lake, first time on a boat, first time fishing, and first time sleeping in his pack and play. All in all, a success!

//3//

A couple weeks ago I posted on Facebook about wanting one of those goofy looking, wrap around your body, pregnancy pillows. Well, when I got home from the cabin Alex had this waiting for me.

 That night I snuggled up with it in my bed (with a memory foam pillow topper that Alex got me when I was pregnant with Johnny) and I was so comfortable I could not stop smiling.  It was divine.  If you are pregnant, or hey, even your're not, I highly recommend a....snoogle.

//4//

Are you following along with Haley as she and her family take a 6 week road trip across the country? Well, if you are then you probably noticed that at the beginning of the month the Stewarts were in Minnesota. Haley said on her Facebook page that St. Paul was her favorite city so far on their travels and I had to beam with pride over my hometown. 

My friend Nell hosted a little get together for us MN bloggers (Susanna, Laura, Nancy) and friends, to meet Haley. This was not the first time I have met other bloggers at Nell's house, and every time it's always a little weird to meet someone you've been following online for a while. But it's amazing to me that the internet can bring people together in such a way that after a matter of minutes all weirdness is gone and you feel like fast friends.

By far my favorite thing about blogging is the way it brings women together and allows us to share our experiences with each other.  I don't get to walk out into my neighborhood and talk to other mothers, like women of generations past, but I do have a network of women, close to home and across the country, who are going through the same things I'm going through on the daily. And that's a very comforting thing. And then, when we do get together in the flesh, the conversation and fellowship is truly something amazing.

//5//

Last week my college orchestra conductor passed away. She battled cancer for 4 years. and on August 2nd her battle ended. It's been over 2 years since I had seen her. But after seeing a person 4 days a week for 4 years, plus traveling across the country and to Europe on orchestra tours with her, well, you just never forget someone you spent that much time with. 

Current and former students were invited to play in an orchestra at her funeral mass and I was so grateful for the opportunity pay tribute/show my respect/say goodbye in such a fitting way. It was a sad funeral, hard to watch her children (grade school aged) and her husband (looked so strong and at peace, but must be aching so) but hers was such a well lived life, and that's something to rejoice in. 

I heard some one say once that they believed people who undergo great suffering here on earth spend little to no time in purgatory. I'd like to think that's true, and that she's currently praising God face to face. 

//6//

We spent this weekend in Chicago with Alex's sister and her family. It was so nice to get out of the house, and even nicer to have Alex with us all the time. Johnny had a blast with his cousins, we saw the Museum of Science and Industry, went to Holy Name Cathedral for mass, and bummed around Navy Pier.

Alex and I even got an evening out.  We had dinner at probably the hippest restaurant I've ever been to, complete with bearded men, phonographs, and to top it off, a guy rode by on a penny-farthing, confirming it's hipness. The food was out of this world. The only bummer, of course, was not being able to imbibe a craft cocktail. Instead I had some fancy pants tonic water. 

//7//

Now we are home and settling in to the first of Alex's 3, THREE! weeks off before fall term starts. I keep pinching myself to see if I am dreaming. 

I love to make lists, and this morning I made 4. Grocery shopping list, meal plan list, to-do list for today, and a very lengthy list of all the things I would like to get done while Alex is on break. And we're off to a pretty good start. Today I did some weeding and Alex took the weed wacker to our front side walk and back patio which had become terribly overgrown. We also organized the playroom closet, which houses my yarn stash, gift wrap supplies, and random things that wouldn't otherwise have a home. I would have before and after pictures for you, but I forgot, and it would't have been that impressive looking anyway. 

Hope your week is off to a great start! 

Linking up with Kelly at This Ain't The Lyceum. 

//

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A Letter To Myself When I'm Home Alone

This is one of those rare moments you find yourself at home, alone. 

You probably can't remember the last time this happened. 

In the silence your mind is going to begin to race, trying to decide what to tackle first.  

But JUST STOP  for one moment and listen to me. 

You will look around and notice many unfinished projects. Ignore them.

Baskets of laundry. Don't fold them.

A counter piled with dishes. Don't do them. 

Toys and shoes strewn all over the floor. Ignore those too. 

Don't worry about any of these things. They will get done eventually. 

They don't need to be done this very minute.

In fact, you need to learn to be ok with things being un-done.

Right now there's only one thing you need to do: 

Make yourself a cup of coffee. 

Then sit down and drink it, the whole thing, from start to finish, without being interrupted. 

Inhale.

Exhale. 

Be still and be quiet.

Come Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Your faithful and kindle in them the fire of Your love.

Send forth Your Spirit and they shall be created. And You shall renew the face of the earth.

//

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am i embarrassed to be pro-life?

Did you see this video going around the interwebz last week?

 I did.

Did you re-share it on your preferred social media site?

I didn't.

I realized that the reason I didn't share it was because I was afraid I would come across looking like this:

I was embarrassed to be pro-life on social media.

But the truth is that I am very pro-life. And abortion so blatantly defies so many of my core beliefs: life begins at conception, all life has value, sex is important, holy, belongs within marriages, and should be life giving. True, it's not always convenient to be pro-life, just like it's not always convenient not using contraception, and it's not always convenient to have kids. The right thing is not always (and often isn't) going to be convenient. Our actions have consequences, being able to do whatever you want isn't being free, it's being a slave to selfishness.

Those are my pro-life beliefs, and while I don't want to condemn anybody to hell, I am tired of feeling like I need to apologize to the greater public for them. Abortion is so disgusting to me, I'm done worrying about who might I offend by saying so.

As someone who has suffered miscarriage and infertility, who has painstakingly charted and timed, ahem, marital intimacy to try to achieve pregnancy, and who has endured a total of 10 months of shots twice a week in my posterior to keep babies alive inside of me, this culture of disposable pregnancies is insulting to me, and a mockery of everything I have been through over the last 4 years.

I'm not much of a news junkie, or a fact-finder. I can't tell you what is or what isn't a federal crime. All I know is that this doesn't compute. How can I rejoice at the sight of a heartbeat at a 7 week ultrasound appointment while someone else says there's no baby there? How can I grieve the loss of my baby at 11 weeks, who had fingers and toes and ears and eyelids, and someone else can abort a blob of cells?

How can a baby that has fully functioning organs not have value as a person, but those fully functioning organs are valuable and can be harvested? As I feel my own baby twisting and turning inside me, and can even see her fists and feet bulging against the skin of my belly, it's truly nauseating to think about a baby with fully functioning, fully alive organs being crushed to death.

Planned Parenthood has responded to the release of this video, saying that their actions are legal, involve the consent of the pregnant woman, and that they are not profiting from the sale, only covering costs associated with tissue transportation. But instead arguing over the fine line of what is legal and what isn't illegal, can't we just pause for a minute and think about how disgusting the conversation is?

I think we need to allow ourselves to be disgusted and nauseated more often. I think we need to allow ourselves to be repulsed and fed up. I think especially that people of my generation need to stop apologizing for being pro-life. If we're trying to fit, well, I think that ship has sailed. If we're trying to not ruffle any feathers, well, that's not what we're called to do. We're called speak the truth, in love of course. But we need to speak it.

Some speak it more eloquently than others. Like Bonnie, or Jenny.

Or one of my very faves, Blessed Mother Teresa:

The greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion, which is war against the child. The mother doesn't learn to love, but kills to solve her own problems. Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love, but to use any violence to get what they want.

//

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garden patch spirituality

And the Lord God planted a garden in Eden...

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it 

~ Genesis 2:8 & 15 ~

I don't know much about life, and I can't claim to be an expert on anything, really. But I do know that it feels good to keep a garden. It feels good to get down on my knees and work with my hands in the dirt. It feels good to plant, to tend, and then to yield a harvest. 

I planted my 6th garden this summer. After 6 years of gardening I am learning a few things, mostly through trial and error, and asking my grandparents for advice. But the more I garden the more I am learning that growing vegetables is really just a byproduct.  The real value, for me, is in the time spent in quiet, peaceful labor. As I work in my garden, God is working in me and revealing truths to my heart. 

It feels good to foster life. I believe we are hard wired to choose life. I'm not trying to get political here.  There is a political side to this, but just forget that for a moment and think about what it feels like to see the destruction of life. Whether it be a house plant that has withered, a bird that has crashed into your sliding glass door, or a human being who has passed away, it hurts to see a loss of life. Conversely, the first blooms of spring, green grass after a hard rain, a new baby welcomed into the world; life feels so good! And in gardening, you are laboring to bring about life.

Weeds grow faster than seeds. And if we don't get out there and pull weeds on a regular basis they are going to completely choke out those little sprouting seeds. In the same way our souls need constant examination, otherwise it is so easy for sin to take root and take over our lives.

Don't leave room for the weeds.  Sometimes it's not enough to just pull the weeds out, leaving big empty patches of dirt. Those weeds will be back before you know it. Instead, when you pull up weeds, put something good and life-giving in their place. It's not enough to get rid of a sinful habit, you have to put a virtue in it's place or that habit will just come back.

Sometimes you need to thin things out. There is such thing as too much of a good thing.  If your carrots and beets are crowded in their rows you're going to end up with very small and scraggly carrots and beets. Don't try to cram too much into one space. Pare down, spread out, focus your energy and resources on a less things, but on growing those things really well.

Gratification is not instant. In this day and age instant gratification is everywhere. But it's good to have to wait for a reward. Waiting cultivates patience, and patience cultivates character. The rains will come, the sun will shine, and little by little leaves will grow and flowers will turn into fruit. And when it does it tastes that much sweeter for the time and labor you have put into it.

I hope all of your gardens are producing beautiful fruit. 

//

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7 quick takes vol. 17

linking up with Kelly for some quick takes!

//1//

This set of quick takes is brought to you by my dad, who came over to take Johnny to the park this evening.

Johnny likes to look through the pictures on my phone. Yesterday he saw this one of him and my dad.

And then for the rest of the day kept asking about "mampa" and running to the front door.  It was very cute but also sad, because he didn't understand why grandpa was not there. So today he got to see grandpa. Thanks dad! 

//2//

28 weeks pregnant. 3 weeks left of Alex's first semester. It's all going by so fast. 

But then again, so slow. 

I'm getting to that point in pregnancy where everything just hurts. It hurts to sneeze, it hurts to roll over in bed, it hurts to get up off the couch, it hurts to put pants on. So much belly. 

As far as grad school goes, we've actually fallen into the groove of Alex being in school pretty well now. The hardest part is probably bath time (so much bending). And knowing that Alex's studying is really hard and there's not a lot I can do to help him. 

//3//

My brother got married a few weeks ago. It was a a beautiful wedding and I have a beautiful new sister-in-law. Also, they are super cool, so they sawed a log at their wedding. 

Johnny was a ring bearer so I was having all kinds of proud mama moments, even though he ended up going down a side aisle  and had to be retrieved and set back on course by Alex.

My sister curled my hair so I felt very put together. And we snapped some family photos.

//4//  

Trader Joe's has become one of my favorite places.  I do most of my grocery shopping at Aldi. Now I've heard that there are some nice Aldis out there, but the one by us is ghetto. Like, armed security guard ghetto. So when I go to Trader Joe's it's like going to the Ritz. They bag my groceries for me, they give my samples, they give my kid stickers. Many a witching hour have we just packed it up and gone to Trader Joe's.

The last 5 or so times I have been there I have seen these yummy looking things.

But have refrained from getting them by telling myself I shouldn't be eating sugary sweets anyway. Well, last week I passed my gestational diabetes test so I am letting loose. The Fruit Jellies are mine, and they did not disappoint.

//5//

I'm watching Friday Night Lights, again. After I finished The West Wing I told myself that I would try watching a new show.  But it didn't happen.  Part of it is because I knit while I watch TV so if it's something I've seen before I can do more listening than watching and get  a lot of knitting done. But if it's a new show then I kind of just need to watch. I though that I just didn't want to take a chance with something new.  I want to watch something that I know I will love.  

And even though I don't like football, I love Friday Night Lights. I love Coach and Tami. I think they are one of the greatest TV marriages.  Whatever happens, you always know Coach and Tami are going to be ok. And I love the southern accents. And I love the small town vibes. Maybe I need to write a whole post about why I love Friday Night Lights. But until I do I will just give you this.

and this

//6//

I don't know much about photography, but I'd like to know more. You always hear people talking about "the golden hour", and the other night I think we were outside during it.  So I grabbed the camera and took some snaps of my little guy and I think they turned out ok.  Except that it's nearly impossible to get him to smile. 

He's still sweet though. 

//7// 

The last post I wrote was about solo parenting, and one of the things I wrote about was lowering expectations. This is a real struggle for the girl who likes to get all the things done every day. But between a toddler and 28 weeks preggo it just is not going to happen anymore. One of the (many) things I have let myself off the hook from is blogging. As much as I love it I'm realizing that sometimes a nap is more important than a blog post. If I have something I feel is worth saying I will say it, But if I don't then I'm not going to stress it, go under the radar for a while, and hope that you still like me when I resurface. 

All that so say I may not be posting as much for the next, oh who knows how long. And I'm ok with that. 

So until next time! xoxo.

7 tips for solo-parenting

Our weekend was glorious. Alex does not have a test this week and so he was able to take not one, but two evenings off of studying. He did bath time and bedtime. We watched movies and ate ice cream. It was just like the good old days (all of 5 weeks ago). (Seems like a lifetime ago.)

And now it's Monday and we are back to the class schedule and the hours of studying and after a night of almost zero sleep due to 97% humidity (heart you MN summers) and me being too stubborn to turn on the AC, I'm realizing that I need more in my solo parenting arsenal than over-priced cookies from Wholefoods.

It's only been 5 short/long weeks so I can't claim to be an expert here, check back with me in two years and I'm sure I'll have a lot more to say. But so far here is what I've found to be helpful if you find yourself doing a lot of solo parenting.

1. Keep Expectations Low

This is one I have to remind myself of daily. I love to be productive and get stuff done and see the fruit of my labor. But some days you just can't do anything. And that's ok.  The house is still standing and everyone got fed. That's all and that's ok.  Really, it's ok.

2. Get A Mother's Helper

Here's my mother's helper. My 11 year old niece.

Can I just say that this has been the most AMAZING experience. My more seasoned mom friends have told of the glories of a mother's helper but I never knew just how wonderful it was to have one until, well, I had one.

A mother's helper is someone in that magical age group where they really truly love playing with babies/toddlers.  They're not yet old enough to be home alone with them.  I don't make mine change diapers or get snacks and meals ready. But the trade off is that you don't pay them as much as your high school or college-aged sitter who can be alone with the kids and do all those things.

Every Monday afternoon my niece comes over to play with Johnny. And I can do Whatever. I. Want.

I always make a list of a few things I need to do that are really hard to do with Johnny around, like emptying the compost bucket, or changing sheets, stuff like that.  But I always allocate some time for something enjoyable, like writing a blog post, or working in the garden, or knitting. And that right there is all my hobbies.

I also try to make something good for dinner on Mondays because I have a mother's helper, and I can.

3. Get Out Of The House.

Leaving the house with small children is not easy. I know this. But staying in the house all day long with small children is a recipe for disaster. Sometimes a change of scene does wonders. Go for a walk, hang out in the back yard, go to Trader Joe's. GO SOMEWHERE! Whatever you do, just please, don't stay inside all day.

4. Plan A Play Date

I wrote a while back about my need for community.  It's still there. I need to see other human beings' faces during the day.  And it's a plus if they are friends and not the Target checkout guy. And it's another plus if they have little ones for my little one to run around with.

It is true that the play dates don't plan themselves and sometimes it seems like it would just be easier to stay home, but once I get down to planning one, I'm always glad that I did.

5. Make Time For Rest

Nap time is sacred around here.  If I don't want to do something with you between the hours of 12:00 and 2:30 please don't feel bad. It's because that is the nap time window and if we miss that window Johnny and I are both a hot mess for the rest of the day. He needs his sleep, he's only two. And I need the break. I need that quiet 60-90 minutes to recharge, either by sleeping myself, or doing something refreshing, like reading, or knitting, or just sitting and enjoying the stillness and an iced coffee.

Yeah. We like naps.

6. Don't Be Afraid To Ask For/Accept Help

Some of us stay-at-home-moms are very independent and we like to be able to manage on our own. But we aren't meant to manage on our own. We need support and we need community. When a friend asks "can I do anything?"  or "can I bring a meal over?" take them up on it! Reach out to family in the area. Grandparents for the win!

Don't forget to ask your partner for help! My husband needs to spend A LOT of time studying, but surely he is not too busy to take 45 minutes and do bedtime with Johnny so that I can catch a little break!  I have to remind myself that my husband can't read my mind and doesn't always know when I'm headed for a meltdown. I need to ask him for help before said meltdown has a chance to happened. And he is always happy to step in.

This is usually what happens when Alex takes study breaks with Johnny.

7. Make What Family Time You Have REAL Family Time

For us this is dinner time and Sunday afternoons and evenings. We eat together at the table without screens and electronic devices. We ask about each other's days, we have meaningful conversation. We try to do something fun, like walk to DQ, or go to the park even though it's kind of close to bedtime. We just enjoy each others company and enjoy being a family.

//

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my love/hate relationship with Cry It Out

Oh good! Another post about baby sleep.

Sorry folks, it's endlessly exasperating/fascinating to me so I'm just going to keep posting about it.

My mom once told me that as soon as she began to notice any sort of pattern or routine with any of her babies' sleep, it would change. We have found that to be true with Johnny.

We had just fallen into good bedtime routine, Johnny was weened, the floor bed was working like a dream, Alex was getting him to sleep in about 15 minutes- short for us. And he was sleeping well. We started to notice a change when the days started getting longer. It was taking longer and longer to get Johnny to bed. 20 minutes turned into 30 minutes, and then it was taking us almost an hour to get him to sleep. We'd take 20 minute shifts lying down with him, which always turned into a wrestling match of trying to get him to stay in his bed.

One night after and hour and a half of this tag-teaming, Alex said in exasperation, "I won't be able to spend this much time putting him to bed once school starts." I knew he was right. That meant we'd have to figure out a way to get Johnny to go to sleep faster, or I'd be doing it all on my own.

The next night when it became apparent we were in for another bedtime marathon, I knew something different was needed.  So I tucked Johnny in his covers, gave him his water glass, kissed his forehead and left the room, closing the door behind me. He started crying immediately, but I told myself to give it 3 minutes.  I stared at my phone in agony the whole time. When I went back in after the 3 minutes were up I was surprised to see that Johnny had stayed in bed exactly where I had put him. I laid down with him to soothe his crying, and when he started climbing on me and jumping up and down I tucked him in and left again.

3 more minutes of crying, I needed Alex to wait with me by his door this time because I couldn't stand it by myself. After 3 minutes Alex went in to soothe him, and then left again. This time we decided to wait five minutes, and before the 5 minutes were up he had fallen asleep.

I felt conflicted the remainder of the evening, I was relieved that we had gotten him to sleep in less than 30 minutes, but I also felt guilty for letting him cry, and like a failure of an attached-parent for having to resort to this heartless method of sleep training.

The next night, after a few minutes of snuggle-wrestling we reluctantly decided to try crying it out again.  And he fell asleep after only a few minutes. After being accustomed to hour and half battles over bedtime this felt way too easy. More feelings of guilt. Shouldn't I be working harder and earning some glorious parenting battle scars? This isn't how we parent!

After my 50 hour labor and almost c-section delivery of Johnny, where nothing had gone according to my "birth plan" I learned that the best birth plan is a to have no birth plan.

Now I'm learning the same thing about parenting. There is no best and perfect parenting method. Flexibility is more important than ideology. And the way you parent often changes with a child's development.

I never let Johnny cry it out as an infant. I personally wouldn't let an infant cry it out. An infant's needs are immediate, and they don't understand why you're gone.  I'm glad I chose to do it that way and I plan to do it that way with baby #2. But a two year old is so different than a 6 month old who has no idea why you're gone and feels like you will never come back. Johnny knows when it's bedtime, and he tries to put it off. Instead of my presence being helpful and soothing, it was distracting him and keeping him awake.

Some nights Johnny falls asleep right away with one of us lying down with him.  I love when that happens and wish it was like that every night. But most nights he fidgets and talks and won't close his eyes, and so after a few minutes of snugging, I leave. I still don't like doing it, even though he hardly cries at all. But I love that he goes to sleep within 5 minutes. Some nights I tuck Johnny in his bed, he asks for his water cup, then pushes me away and says "bye bye". Then I'm a puddle of emotions as my heartstrings go SNAP! My baby doesn't need me to fall asleep any more! It's a little sad, but mostly it's a good thing.

//

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