I think there is some quote about how having kids can be scary because your heart goes walking around outside of your body.... Has anyone heard this? Do you know what I'm talking about?
Anyway, I've been thinking about that a lot, cheesy as it is, because it's kind of true. You bring a new little person into the world, who is very much a part of you, but you can't always control how the world treats them. You want to protect them and ensure that no evil will ever befall them and that they will have a good and fulfilling life. But some things are out of your control, and things don't always go the way you planned.
I've been thinking about that a lot too. Johnny is one now. We've had him for and year and it's been great and he is amazing and brings so much joy. But this past year has also been the hardest, scariest year of my life! We have experienced things that I never imagined I would go through. We are a strong and united family because of it, but that has not come without pain.
I have been thinking about how before Johnny was born we prayed everyday that we would have a healthy baby. And then our baby was born with some pretty major birth defects. I'll never know why God didn't answer our prayer. Or rather, answered differently than what we wanted. But I know that for whatever reason (to grow, to learn, to give Him glory) he has allowed us pass through great difficulties, and what's more, has been faithful, has been a comforter, and has provided strength when we needed it most. And here we are, a year later, happy, enjoying good health, enjoying our baby.
I like to be in control and I wish I could make it so that Johnny doesn't have to suffer any more in his life. He's been through so much, and doing so well. But there are still some unknowns in regards to his health. Namely his neck. I think I have mentioned before, back in December we were told that the top two vertebrae in his neck didn't fuse together properly, thus leaving a week joint which caused his head to tilt to the left. We were told that worse case cinario, Johnny would heed surgery to fuse that joint together, correcting the head tilt, but leaving him with a pretty limited range of motion in his neck. Whether or not he would need this was a complete unknown, and we were left to wait and see how his bones would continue to grow.
Six months have gone by since then, and it's time for some follow up X-rays. These will be done Wednesday morning. His neck looks so much better than it did, and I can't help but feel great optimism. (Which I am always hesitant to do.) If you are reading this will you please join Alex and me in praying for great results, and that no surgery would be required?
I know that The Lord is good, that He is in control, and that I am not. And whatever happens, He will see us through.